Thank you so much for the kind comments I got regarding my post yesterday.
I finally went swimming again today, for about 15 min., and I feel so much better. Exercise is essential to my life! I also went on a 15 min. walk with my dog. I can’t believe I am up to 15 min. now with walking. JSometimes I can even do a little more than that.
I am just committing to swim more. Since I feel too anxious riding the bus there and going by myself, I am getting up early to either go with my husband to the gym or to have him drop me off there on his way to work. Then I just ride the bus home in that case. I am getting more used to getting up early.
I am using lots of my DBT skills again. I am in a group right now for group therapy and I shared an introductory article about DBT with my group and encouraged them to buy this workbook that I am working through. I have read it before and it’s great. I would really recommend it. I am such a big proponent of DBT. My therapist keeps telling me that I should be a therapist, but that’s not really something I’m interested in, unless I could lead DBT classes. It’s something I’m really passionate about.
Skills that I’m using right now:
- Opposite-Action: this involves forcing you to do the opposite of your natural inclination driven by a certain emotion. For instance, when we are sad, we have a tendency to want to rest and curl up in bed, but sometimes just making yourself get up and do something such as cleaning or going for a walk will improve your mood. You can also smile! Studies have shown that the simple act of smiling actually influences your brain to be happier. This is kind of the premise of DBT. Instead of traditional cognitive behavioral therapy which tells us that changing your thoughts will change your mood and actions, DBT focuses on changing your actions first and letting your thoughts and mood improve as a result. I have been using this skill a lot. Just forcing myself to get out of bed and clean, cook, or get outside and go on a walk helps me get through the day.
- Mindfulness: trying to stay in the present moment and take it one day at a time
Upcoming things to look forward to:
- My dad and my sister are coming to San Diego this weekend!
- Valentine’s Day! Apparently my husband has something special planned for us
- In March, hopefully, my youngest brother-in-law will be coming to visit
- In early April my aunt and her family will be in San Diego. She’s my favorite aunt and she lives in Montana so I don’t get to see her very often.
- In late April we are going to Northern California for my husband’s family’s reunion. I am very, very excited because we are going to drive up the coast and stopping in either Santa Barbara or San Luis Obispo for a night!
- In May, my other brother-in-law and some of my husband’s high school friends are coming to visit
- In July, we will go to my in-laws annual Fourth of July party
- In July also, my cousin is getting married in Montana so I will have my family’s reunion there
Lots of fun travels coming up! I am supposed to be taking this microbiology class online starting in March as well. The bill for it is due February 15. I’m still a little unsure about it because of the money aspect and not knowing my final career path. I might apply for a public health Master’s program this spring that would start in August. I just have this huge fear that I will enter a program and spend all this money and then still not be able to work. Because that has happened to me before, when I was pursuing a master’s degree in education. I had to drop out of school. And I still have the student loans to pay. But I guess I just have to go for it? The thought of never having a career of my own makes me very sad. I just know I want to work in healthcare again. I really want to be a nurse practitioner, but I get extremely frustrated about the competitiveness and picky prerequisites of the programs. It just seems so much easier to enter a Master’s program because they’re so much easier to get into. Like the application process is so much easier! I am just nervous about my ability to use the computer. I wish I had a diagnosis so that people would take it more seriously and view it as a disability and give me accommodations. That is the most frustrating part. I just can’t decide what to do! How many years have I been talking about these things, even on this blog?!?!
I just have to take it one day at a time, try to get well, and then just jump into something I think. Some days, like today I feel I could do it. Some days I feel terrible physically and doubt it. Doctors just throw so many things around: MS, fibromyalgia, some idiopathic nerve disorder, solely a mental health issue, etc. I am glad to have this hour-long appointment coming up with an MD. – just going to ask all my questions, and then I’m going to do what might psychiatrist said: just pursue alternative and lifestyle therapies, like nutrition and exercise, and do my best.
There are so many careers I’m interested in: high school teaching, clinical laboratory work again, nurse practitioner, public health (focused on mental health), even recently social work. I wonder what would work best for me: I think I should talk about this in therapy tomorrow and just pick something.
I’m supposed to start volunteering at the animal shelter, but the orientation is this weekend and I’m going to be out of town. I didn’t realize it was this weekend. Hopefully there will be another one in March. I am definitely feeling busier with all of these doctor appointments. I just want to sit down with someone and have them help me go through these career choices. How could I do that?
I sure do love my puppy!
You know what my new find is lately? Sunbutter! It’s delicious! Also, Swiss chard. I’m making that tonight. Only three weeks until this dietitian appointment.
Hopefully you’re all well. How did you decide on your career?