I am Now a Sober Mom

It’s been a long time to write on this blog!

I now live in Hong Kong and have a child, such a great life. Dream come true on both counts. And I have a wonderful husband too!

However I have to add that I now struggle with a drinking problem which is literally the ONLY bad thing in my life. So I have decided to give it up. COMPLETELY AND FOREVER. I recovered from many,many years of having an eating disorder, did really well for awhile, then picked up drinking after not being much of a drinker at all previously. Now I drink most days and often have bulimic episodes because of that. Never have eating disorder problems if I am not drinking. In fact if I am not drinking I feel happy and like I am in the best place I’ve ever been in in my whole life. Sounds like an easy decision, right??

Read “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. Alcohol is a lie to each and every one of us, pushed by society and marketing. It never makes any day or situation better.

My main reason I haven’t been able to quit is because I hate being told I can’t have something. And because I am afraid of myself and my own emotions. But guess what – I DO know how to handle my own emotions in a healthy way! AND I just have to focus on that it’s MY choice to give up alcohol, I don’t want society and other people telling me I have to have it in my life any more! I am thinking of it that way instead. I am independent and enlightened compared to them. SO I will make the right decision to not drink, for my son especially. AND FOR ME. Because I DESERVE TO NOT DRINK!

Doing ONE thing (not drinking) = the life I have always dreamed of! Such a simple choice.

I will document my journey on this blog.

I will write every day. I’m sure it will be repetitive. That’s how our brains work when we re-train them. We have to repeat and practice over and over.

I JUST need to get through another Day 1 today and then it gets easier. I will wake up tomorrow feeling SO GREAT and proud and know I can keep going after that. I am not missing anything by drinking – okay I am missing half an hour of feeling fun but then OVER 24 hours of feeling sad, ashamed, out of control, fearful, and negative. Does that sound worth it? NO IT IS NOT> the answer to “should I drink?” is NO every time if I play out that thought to how I will feel at bedtime even. I won’t let this steal away the life of my dreams I have created after so many years of struggle. GOODBYE ALCOHOL!

Just to keep me motivated: How do I feel on this morning (AND ON EVERY SINGLE MORNING) – SAD LIKE CRYING<ANGRY AT MYSELF< ASHAMED<WITH NO CONFIDENCE THAT I CAN EVER CHANGE>COMPLETELY AFRAID OF THE WORLD AND OF MYSELF>FAT>LIKE A SHIT MOM. I AM DONE WITH THIS I FEEL LIKE THIS EVERY MORNING I AM DONE DONE DONE

I have another (travel) blog if you are interested in that instead called teaandlace.wordpress.com.

 

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