2012 to 2013

Five years ago on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day (sorry I can’t remember the exact time-it was the famous NYE toilet-breaking party —> don’t ask!), B and I officially got together. ❤ And I will always remember 2012 as the year we got married. We had a wonderful, wonderful wedding, and I am blessed to have a man that absolutely adores me.

In many ways, this has been a rough year for me, especially the second half of it. I’ve dealt with even more health issues and a descent into a major depression. But, I am extremely proud that this fall and winter I have taken back control of my mental and physical health. At the beginning of 2012, I had a loose goal in my mind that I wanted to accomplish that this year. It took me until the end of the year, but I got started on the journey. Although I am far from being really there yet, I am moving forward more and more, taking my life back. I am determined and absolutely motivated to achieve LIFE again in 2013.

While I am glad this year is coming to a close because I love New Year’s for the fresh beginning it brings, and I’m excited for 2013, here are the blessings from 2012: we got married, B got promoted (TWICE!), and I began the journey of taking back my life.

In 2013, I am looking forward to:

  • buying a house!
  • Taking a class starting in March to begin my journey to have my own career
  • moving more and more towards being healthy and ALIVE again
  • becoming social again – making friends and starting a new volunteer job at the animal shelter
  • loving myself and doing ME
  • our trip to Montana in July for my cousin’s wedding
  • continuing to grow my relationship with God

{I’m really scared to buy a house, it’s probably one of the biggest leaps for me of anything I’ve ever done. But it’s one of those things that I just have to leap into. It’s not just the money, it’s also that it’s overwhelming to me to move again, even just across town, when I’ve just gotten used to the bus stops over here and how to get around in my little area. I have moved every single year into a different place since I turned 18. But it will be so worth it if/when we find the right place. House buying right now is a different experience than I imagined having for buying my first home. I say this because we will most likely have to move again in a couple of years. I always envisioned buying a house that I would get to settle down in. I was even willing to wait until we got back to Colorado someday to have that. But I am having to remold my expectations. We put an offer in for a house yesterday. It’s the house I’ve liked most of everything we’ve seen. Besides the scary part of physically moving, I would LOVE to own this house. It’s still near a bus stop and there is a community pool. I COULD WALK TO A POOL! It’s the perfect size and layout. And it has a great little yard. Also, it’s in our price range and actually in a safe neighborhood! I love it. Some things are scary, but you have to think of the greater potential for happiness once you get over the fear—> my motto right now. I would totally not mind to stay in this townhouse either. It has been my lifelong dream to own a house, but I know it will happen someday. B is the one who really wants to buy one now.}

One thing I’m going to have to do in the new year, is find a way to live my own life while being in a relationship. I have to have faith that my husband will always love me and only me. I can’t let marriage hold me back. Being married, I have the potential for even greater happiness. If I would just let myself fulfill my own dreams, I could have love and my own life too. The fact is, I’m already married, and I just have to believe—> KNOW —> I can have both things. I deserve that. I can spend my life being afraid, or I can live my own life and KNOW that everything will be wonderful. I have to simplify things: life is about good experiences, loving people, and giving back. That’s what I want. I want to be a person of integrity.

See a theme here? FAITH.

drop every fear

Here’s to an amazing 2013, in which I find myself again, embrace myself and believe in my right to enjoy and own my own life, get healthy again, and surrender in ways that will lead me back to living. It’s going to be hard, but I’m never going to stop fighting or seeking God for strength. I’m going to, finally, find faith in the possibility.

I repeat: some things are scary, but you have to think of the greater potential for happiness that will be there once you get over the fear.

Enjoying the sun

I wish you all a wonderful New Year!


3 thoughts on “2012 to 2013

  1. Seems like a common theme that 2012 was not an easy year for many of us. So yes, let’s DO 2013! And we totally can, as long as we keep God close 🙂

    Thank you so much for stopping by, reading and commenting on my blog. I really appreciate it!

    xoxo J

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