Indecisive – Push myself?

Hi! I have been having so much trouble with the nerves in my arms that it’s really hard to use the computer. I just wanted to give an update. I saw my neurologist on Tuesday last week (one that I finally liked!) and I have been officially diagnosed with mononeuritis multiplex. I already knew that this is what my symptoms are called, I have mentioned it on this blog before, but I’m glad it’s been officially mentioned to me by a doctor. The last neurologist I saw (the total asshole) who didn’t read any of my chart before he came in… I asked him point blank, “Would you call this mononeuritis multiplex?”. He laughed in my face and said there was nothing wrong with my nerves necessarily, I should see an orthopedist to see if it’s something wrong with the tendon in my ankle (if he would have looked at my chart he would’ve noticed that that was ruled out three years ago). So it was super gratifying to me to have someone look at all my symptoms and history and thoroughly asked me questions and come to the conclusion I already knew was accurate just based on my own research! I have been so determined lately not to give up my dreams of entering the medical field myself. It kind of all depends on if when I see him next he determines that ulnar nerve surgery could be successful for me (and the surgery actually works – with mononeuritis multiplex I have some concerns that this wouldn’t be just a cut and dry nerve release surgery). Anyway, this new neurologist conceded something was wrong, and while I don’t feel like he totally had time to understand the full impact this has had on my life, I feel like he understood part of that at least and feel relieved to actually have an official name for my symptoms (even if it’s idiopathic mononeuritis multiplex -meaning no known cause – which about 33% of these cases are). I also feel really relieved that he was compassionate and took me seriously. He wanted to do more blood tests that he really felt were lacking and another EMG test. Most of all, he made me feel like we are partners that will keep working on figuring this out. I wish more doctors would understand that is what patients need the most, to feel like they have someone on their team.

If you’re interested, please read up on mononeuritis multiplex. It can be a lot more disabling than most people give it credit for. It’s difficult because it’s not the name of a definitive disease, but rather the name of a collection of symptoms. In my opinion however, it describes a condition and it is what I will now tell people that I have.

I stayed really strong this weekend. I’ve been meaning so many more fruits and vegetables, especially really enjoying cantaloupe! I also added a B- vitamin supplement every day, even though it kind of upsets my stomach, per the doctor’s recommendation. My B vitamin levels never test low on laboratory tests, but I really think that those healthy ranges are just guidelines. There are many people that need more just based on their own body composition, activity level, etc. – so you could have a subclinical problem where no one will say you are deficient but you still might need more. After writing this article on the differences between animal and plant sources of iron (and their different absorption rate), I realized that it’s actually kind of stupid to take a multivitamin. A lot of my article is about how calcium and other minerals found in foods decrease the absorption of plant-based iron. There are many interactions among vitamins and minerals. To me, it doesn’t really make sense to take in one pill a bunch of iron and simultaneously a bunch of calcium, etc. I would rather just work on my diet and take a single B- vitamin supplement with the idea you aren’t taking a bunch of things at the same time that will interact with each other, you’re just focusing on one.

The heat is supposed to abate starting tomorrow but we now have that window air-conditioning unit upstairs and since we live in a small townhouse, it is cooling off the entire place. The master bedroom is still a little hot, but at least one bedroom is very cool and the cool air flows downstairs and keeps the man for cool. I’m so thankful!

I’m kind of in a Catch-22 because I think that to afford the surgery and other treatments I would have to take one of these babysitting jobs I am getting hits on, but I don’t want taking one of those jobs to be too much for me and make all my pain and numbness worse! I know I need to do it for my mind but I also want to do something I feel comfortable with. That main offer I have is to babysit a toddler and two 4 month old babies. That seems crazy! I am also still nervous about meeting with the mom, just because I get social anxiety really bad sometimes. I have watched plenty of children but it’s been a while since I watched babies. I just know that if I don’t push myself to call her, I will just keep stewing here and driving myself crazy with this feeling of restlessness. I know that if I don’t take steps to earn some income I will be able to pursue and have my dreams. I love that feeling when you accomplish something and I just want that. I’m going to make a decision today to either call the twin lady and ask her if she will grant me another interview (since I had to cancel last week), or just tell her I’m unable to do it and move on trying to set up an interview with this other lady. B said to just try it. I guess I owe it to myself?! I know the answer to this. Why am I so scared? Why do I just give up?

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