Be patient and tough

I am making lemon-spiced chicken thighs from a recipe I found in The Newlyweds’ Cookbook. I just took them out of the oven and they smell delicious. Chicken thighs are one of my favorite things to eat. One thing I only recently discovered.

On Saturday night we drove down to San Diego to see my parents and my two sisters who are there on vacation this week. We only stayed one night even though they are there all week and it makes me sad to be only two hours away from them but not in their presence right now. I have felt very depressed since we came home yesterday. It just really miss them after all the fun wedding festivities, I realized how lonely I am here when B is at work especially. I just feel so sad.

Now that the wedding is over, I am thinking even more obsessively about what my next step is. Unfortunately I still feel paralyzed by anxiety. I get so many ideas and then run into roadblocks over and over and I just felt so lost.

I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head. But I can’t concentrate on anything still. One of the things that is the hardest for me is how I feel a complete lack of support from Drs. still. I just feel so alone. One good thing is that the primary care doctor I’ve been assigned at Kaiser (I could spout off about how much I hate Kaiser Permanente forever but that’s another story for another day) actually signed and got back to me the paperwork so that I can give the disabled bus pass and thus pay reduced fare. So I’m going to mail that in this week. It means that a bus trip costing $3-$4 will now cost me a dollar $1.20-$1.60. This will really help us out over the course of a month since I take the bus wherever I need to go most week days. The appointment I need to make, which I dread making because I have parent attacks just walking tour Kaiser building – not joking panic attacks as people usually use that term but real ones, are for the ophthalmologist (because it is still suspected that I may have MS), to see another neurologist (the worst!), and to reschedule my appointment for my arm surgery. I also need to figure out a bunch of stuff about my student loans are all never be able to go back to school. I don’t know why I get so behind on those things. I just push them out of my head because I can’t face them.

I am so happy to be married. I could live my wedding day over and over again. Is anyone interested in seeing more pictures/hearing more of the story?


One thought on “Be patient and tough

  1. it’s not unusual to be overwhelmed when you have too many things in your head. you might just need a little time to figure things out. hang on in there! 🙂 I’d love to hear more about your wedding.

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