Hot Chocolate

Drinking hot chocolate right before bed is my nightly ritual. Drinking two cups, however, causes me to stay up waaay too late because of the sugar rush. So here I am up late again. Oh well. As long as I don’t get bored, I am okay. Having a nightly ritual is so important to me. I love it.

I had volunteering again today and it felt way less productive than last time, although I think that was just because only a couple kids raised their hands for homework help this time. Last week it was everybody. Good for them though. 😉 I was also discouraged because the supervisor asked me if I could do this big data entry project for her and I really wanted to because I love that kind of boring stuff and I know it would have really helped her out, but I had to say no because my arms were hurting today and I knew I couldn’t handle all that time on the computer. It made me frustrated. Especially about how I could ever do a ‘real’ job. I am so sick of this nerve disorder! 😦 Yet at the same time trying to accept it and move on.

The kids seem to be getting to know me better. I have been with the 1st and 2nd graders but I am thinking to maybe help out with 3rd and 4th grade next week just for a change. I kind of feel like the 1-2 leader would prefer to have her class to herself but maybe that’s just because I don’t know what I am doing yet. That just kind of makes me uncomfortable, but I really like those kids so I want to stay there. We’ll see. The supervisor said I could switch around if I want.

Today I read two of the girls The Lion King book - aka one of the greatest movies ever!

It’s just SO nice to get out of the house! It really makes me want to think about teaching again. {I have taken one semester of graduate-level classes towards a Master’s degree in education in Spring 2009. I was frankly just to sick to continue, although at the time I told myself I couldn’t handle it and/or it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wish I could finish that. I wish I could believe that I could handle it and get the opportunity again and not be scared about getting a job.}

I just want to get a career going that I like and that I can handle physically. I have this Master’s in TESOL option…I have the application almost totally done for that. That is teaching, and it involves language which is something I’m passionate about. But before I was in and M.Ed program for secondary education with the plan to teach middle school/high school Biology, which I would also still love. I don’t know. I have had so many ideas and I get so frustrated with road blocks and second-guessing. Hope I can just go for something soon and feel safe and confident about it. Feeling safe about it is just a feeling that I know it will work with how I am and my personal limitations. I can feel in my heart when I would be really passionate about something, and I guess if I listen I can kind of feel that second part too. I can’t even think about all of this without getting a lot of anxiety. 😦

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place.



2 thoughts on “Hot Chocolate

  1. Reading your blog, I get the impression that you would be such an understanding and patient teacher, no matter the subject. Language sounds awfully challenging (French class was just about the death of me senior year), but junior high biology sounds like fun! Kids are so funny at those ages…

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