Thank you all for your nice comments regarding the look of my save-the-date cards!
I am having the worst day today though. I am just so angry and frustrated with myself. Disgusted with how I am going about life and how I continue to fail at conquering binge-eating issues. I am just fed up — no pun intended (okay, maybe some, need a little humor). It’s like I get momentum going for a day, staying very strong, and then just crash and burn again. I HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH. After a really bad day, I feel so determined to change and feel like I do the right things for awhile. I just want it to stick. I feel SO on the verge of getting over it and really changing. Why can’t I just get over the hump? I don’t understand. I am most angry about how it is taking away my swims. I am only going every other day now and it hurts me. It takes away everything. I don’t want it to take that away anymore. That is a main motivator for me, as is money. The money thing brings up a lot of guilt though, so I am going to focus on the swimming and how I want to be able to go so I have to stay on track. Keeping that at the fore-front of my mind.
I HAVE to change the way I think. I am starting to but I get carried away and can’t breathe so often before I can collect my thoughts.
It’s very rainy in SoCal today. It’s actually kind of nice because I feel cozy and like I can rest.
Also, RIP Steve Jobs. So sad.
Also today I read an article about Adele and the vocal issues she has been having, including two hemorrhages on her vocal chords. I also think this is very sad; singing is obviously her livelihood and passion. Love her music. I almost felt angry at God when reading that; why would he take that away from her? Why do so many bad things happen? I have such oscillating thoughts on God. I think mostly that most of my life I have been so afraid of God, and I hate that feeling. I want to feel comforted. Sometimes I do, but a lot of times thinking of God brings me fear and I wish that wasn’t so. Someday I hope to fix it. Try as I might, I can’t get away from believing in God though, I just always come back to it.
Here’s to hoping for, praying for, HAVING a good weekend. Need three days of strength. At least we have things planned. Swimming motivation.