Updates and Motivations

Random Updates:

I’m watching the pre-Emmy’s coverage. It’s a testament to my boredom that I now watch award shows. The only one I used to watch as the Academy Awards. But I am sort of the queen of celebrity gossip and I love watching the fashion/dresses, even if I don’t end up watching the whole show. I just saw Gwyneth Paltrow, my fave.

I got my October issue of Brides Magazine today. It’s a really good issue so I’m excited.

In lieu of my goals last week, all I will say that I did better. I improved. I didn’t do as good as I wanted to, but I definitely improved the numbers.

I also definitely took my vitamins 6/7 days.

Things that are motivating me right now:

  • Money. I want to do the right thing money-wise. I am usually really good with money and frugal, but when it comes to binging, I know I waste a lot of money. I know this hurts our little family and I don’t want to do that.
  • I just want to feel good. I am sick of feeling terrible. I know sometimes I’m not going to feel that great because of my nerve disorder, anxiety, and other things. But I want to weigh the pros and cons again and really use that skill like I was in the fall of 2009.
  • I want to feel alive. I want to be present in my life. I want to feel proud of myself, and strong, and enjoy it. I want to see the beauty in life, and feel proud of how I try my best fighting through the hard parts, while still loving myself. I want that FEELING again of being ALIVE.
  • I want to set up my future. I’m really ready and finally believe I can do it. The more I feel alive and healthy and proud, the more confidence I have, and the more I will be able to actually do this. I have so many motivations for setting up my future to: something to do, something to throw my energy into, something to feel proud of, something to give me a purpose, and making money, which will give me a lot of things!

One thing that’s hard with giving up my addiction is knowing that life doesn’t necessarily get instantly better when I do. I have gone through this using DBT skills before and I can’t say that it was easier, but I do know that it was better, that that feeling of feeling proud of myself is worth everything. That feeling of feeling alive is worth everything. Being present is worth everything. Today I was watching Celebrity Rehab and they did the follow-up at 150 days out. Bob, a counselor on the show (the one with the curly red hair and big glasses who always wears a hat) told one of the addicts, “Life without my addiction is harder but better”. I couldn’t agree more. Another quote that comes to mind is, “No one said life would be easy; they just said it would be worth it.” You can give up or even keep going (giving up meaning death), but that feeling of being proud, that feeling of solidarity with mankind’s other sufferers, of making it to the end, is something that motivates me.

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9 thoughts on “Updates and Motivations

  1. I love random thoughts…I should rename my blog something like that 😉 I’m watching the Emmy’s now – Modern Family is taking over! I thought Charlie Sheen did good as a presenter – man, he really represents people in life that can hit rock bottom and still rise above.

    Girl – I am with you on all those things. I’m reading a book now can “Never Be Lonely Again” – it’s good for people that are or aren’t lonely. The truth is, really, we are lonely. You can have lots of people around you as well and still be lonely. It’s about suffering, but that suffering comes from our attachments. Whether we are attached to material things – Tv, shopping, food, drugs – or internal – our thoughts, beliefs,etc. But we CAN stop suffer. We just have to let all that other stuff go. Let it go. Be in the moment and don’t dwell on it. Check out the book if you can…I’m reading it, but with a chick flick too – I need light material 😉

  2. this is all SOOO true!! i’ve been trying to remind myself each day that my addiction ultimately fails me and makes me unhappy. by using my skills (heck yes DBT), and reminding myself of all the reasons i have to be healthy, i can be as HAPPY as i dream of being! keep on fighting- you’re worth it ❤

  3. Haha! I should have seen the post yesterday, that I wanted to go out for a beer in downtown and got myself in the middle of the entire Emmy traffic… I’ve been thinking about what you said about “life without my addiction being harder but better”. Lately, I am motivated from the opposite. I just want my life to become easier, get on some sort of a track. I am just so tired of fighting and struggling. I just need for stuff to be simple and just happen for once in my life. Does it make sense? 🙂

    • The does make sense. I get so tired of clawing my way through each day too. I hope you can find peace soon! I think what I meant is that it’s harder at first to give up binging but at the end of the day, if you treated yourself with as much self-love as possible, you can feel proud of yourself and that is worth so much.

  4. Harder but better… I love that thought! You’ve got to make the most of the time you’ve got and an addiction cannot help you do that. Deep thoughts for a Tuesday night 🙂 Very special post!

  5. Everything you listed are all great motivators. Life will never be perfect and we will never be perfect as individuals, but as long as you get up each day with the intention of being your best and if you get up each time you fall down you won’t be a failure. We have different issues, but I can completely relate to you. There are many times I’ve wished that I didn’t have to struggle with the things that I do….things that seem to come so easily to others. I wonder how my life would be without having to deal with these issues on a pretty much daily basis. Our imperfections/struggles make each of our lives unique. We are stronger for what we’ve gone through and hopefully we can help others who struggle with similar things. Stay strong! You’re worth all of the effort that you’re putting into making your life a better one! XO

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