When You Need to Re–Accept

When You Need to Re–Accept

There is a DBT skill called Radical Acceptance. Sometimes you can change a situation, but sometimes you just..can’t. In this situation, you just have to radically accept the problem with all of your being and move on in a way that just lets it be there, letting yourself make the best of it. This is hard to do, but in my opinion it’s one of the best skills, and one of the ones that has helped me a lot.

At some point, with my nerve disorder, I was able to do this at least at some level. Then this summer I got a lot more frustrated again. I’m not really sure why. I think in the summer I feel a lot more agitated in general because I have more energy with the longer days and such. So that contributes because I can’t get out all of my energy through activity like I want to do. I guess I periodically just get frustrated again, every few months or so. I just hate this situation so much and I’m just ready for it to be OVER. Also, I wish I knew what was going on! That would make acceptance A LOT easier!

My dog contributes too because I want to go on more walks by myself (since he pulls me) but I feel guilty about doing that, so that makes me feel more trapped in here and then I focus more on what I can’t do. Now that I think about it, that is a huge contributor. When he was smaller, we used to go on lots of walks together. But at some point in the last month he really started pulling on the leash, despite my attempts to teach him to heel, and it really, really hurts me. B and I are checking into getting a dog trainer for at least a couple of sessions, though the expense of that is annoying. Overall though, I think it would be a very worthwhile investment. I just want to find the right one that can tell me something other than what I can find in a youtube video, which are the types of things I have tried on countless dogs I or my family has had with no success. B also says that I need to be okay with leaving him on the apartment go on walks if it means taking better care of myself, which actually later (and I KNOW this) enables me to take better care of both B and my puppy (through taking care of myself). So I need to be okay with doing that. This also won’t last forever because we are planning to at least rent a house next spring and then he will have a yard that we can play fetch in. We also started taking him to the dog park every day on our three-day weekends so I just need to stop feeling so guilty and do what I need to do to help my restlessness (my short walks).

I need to re-accept that I have this nerve disorder, but that I am NOT as trapped as I think I am. I can’t do everything I want to do, but I DO have choices.

What do you need to accept? Does it help you to just DO IT and then move on?

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5 thoughts on “When You Need to Re–Accept

  1. It’s scary and amazing how your posts all speak to me. Different situations entirely – I can’t even imagine having to do with what you have – mine I know is mental…but still.

    You should leave the dog at home! Don’t worry about him – the little (big) guy will be okay for a little while. It’s the same as a Mom leaving her kids at home to take time for herself like B said. But do what you can little by little. The dog trainer shows you are thinking proactively.

    Oh gosh, what do I need to accept? My mistakes. My regrets. That I will continue to do them and can’t change overnight. That I’m not a failure because of it…easier said than done.

  2. Acceptance is so hard but I think it gets easier with time. Its something you have to practice and you prob will be awful at it at first but we have to keep DOING these things.

    Guilt is useless and overcoming it is hard but you CAN. You just have to keep going at it and your thinking will SLOWLY change. Someone described it once to me like turning around a large ship. It wont just turn around quickly. You have to really work to turn it around and its a slow process 🙂

    • Yes I agree we have to practice it over and over. It’s frustrating but that’s just the nature of acceptance and something I didn’t realize when I first started doing this. You sometimes have to accept things over and over too.

  3. I think it’s always good to look at a situation again and reevaluate (or re-accept) as necessary.
    I always have trouble accepting that I don’t have control over everything…I always want to change the way some people behave or my relationships with them, but that’s not always possible. Life is definitely complicated!

  4. I don’t have a dog but I do have a child and you can’t imagine how I can relate to this. Sometimes I just want to sit around and read a book but I can’t because I have to be on 24/7. It’s hard and I resent it and that’s the truth. But I do it because I know it won’t be for forever…

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