I am not the same person I used to be. I have learned, I have grown. I do not have to do things the same old way.
I need to let my fears of myself go, that I will cope negatively, that I won’t be able to handle something. I need to let those fears go. Just let them go.
I don’t want to be so afraid of myself. It’s hard.
Not feeling as nervous about our upcoming trip this weekend because B promises me that he will take care of everything. I am going to get go swimming. And we got the more private room in the house, the one we usually have. I would have liked to sleep upstairs where hopefully it would be a little quieter, but that room would have more than sleeping in it and I think that would wake Ralph up a lot.
as long as I get as much rest as I can tonight and tomorrow night, the first couple days will be okay. I have to remember I always do better than I think I will.
As for taking Ralph on the plane, I am still really worrying about that, but I am feeling better about that too because I called the vet and he said we could give him children’s Benadryl to calm him down and make him sleep on the plane. So hopefully that goes okay, it makes me feel better. I don’t want him to a) be traumatized or b) whine or cry the whole time and bug everyone on the plane.
Still dealing with purposelessness and restlessness.I have to write down and remember what I have accomplished each day whenever I get so frustrated or fearful about it.
Today I have:
- Swam 30 min.
- went on lots of little walks with Ralph; they were lovely.
- Cleaned both bathrooms and the kitchen, picked up everything around here, put away the laundry
- made dinner
- applied for two jobs, and got the information to follow up on two more
- worked on PA school essay (though only just a little bit, which bothers me)
Is that enough?
I hope so, it’s not enough for me just because I don’t know if it really got me anywhere. I can’t really handle thinking anymore today! tell myself one step at a time, one step at a time. All I can do is apply for jobs and set up the future one step at a time and take care of myself.