There are two kinds of people in this world…
I always liked those types of sayings…I know whatever they say is going to be fairlytrue. Sometimes it’s funny; sometimes it’s something to think about.
Today and tonight I have been thinking:
There are two kinds of people in this world, those that just DO things, and those that get stuck, can’t make a decision, can’t move a step in any direction. This latter group often DOES move somewhere. It just takes them a long time.
I don’t know.
Obviously, I am in the latter category.
I am feeling better about career pursuit stuff…just need to keep that momentum going. But I am having a huge struggle changing some other things, as well as sticking to that schedule. I don’t know why I can’t change these things. I don’t know why. My mind is always shifting from good to bad. It’s like there are two me’s. I guess there are in a way. I want the good me to prevail.
B is in the former category. He just DOES this. If there is a problem, he solves it. If the first solution doesn’t work, he just goes for another one. I feel like I was not born like that! (But I am glad at least one of us was. 😉 ).
I should be living such a full life. Things have gotten better, but I don’t know what is wrong with me? I want my blog to be interesting. Wedding planning, adventures, writing my book, mindfulness. I will always have struggles but I want to believe in my dreams and also cope with them in different ways.
The good thing is I wrote for 5 hours on Sunday, and feel like I really know where I am going with my writing and have a plan for it. I have a schedule and a writing schedule worked out. I read all these articles today about motivation and routine while working from home. I just need to keep in my mind that it is work, and worthwhile, and if I DO the schedule, it will actually get me somewhere. I want my schedule to be like what I did Sunday! I want to do the SAME THING every day.
Wake up, coffee, write 9-12, swim, hang out with B for a bit before he goes to work, relax until 4 or so, write until 7 (or just keep relaxing since I wrote that morning), watch my shows and dinner, read, bed. It makes me smile to think of that. 🙂 Just need to do that Sun-Weds, and one the weekends Thurs to Sat, write in the morning if I want, then have fun and get out of the house all afternoon. Can we challenge me to do this schedule for ONE week? And then I will check in. Just one week. I want to take care of myself for ONE WEEK.
I don’t want to drink. I don’t want to binge. I don’t want to eat in the middle of the night and have a stomach ache in the morning. I want to keep eating more healthy foods to help my body heal as much as possible (have been doing better at that). I don’t want to feel guilty for eating healthy foods (weird thing, too long to explain, haven’t been doing so well at that). I want to practice my snacks in the daytime (I have trouble eating in the daytime because I hate feeling full – also too long to go into, and my main problem in life). FOR ONE WEEK. I will see my mood go up and stay steady, I will feel better, it will help me be good to B. I will get hope back. I will feel proud.
Which of these types of people are you? Some people are obviously the latter and then have a moment where they switch to the former. I want that moment. I know I want it, I feel so ready. I even know how to go about it. I just get undermined by my own mind and mental illness and anxiety and who knows what.
Sorry for the heavy posts (well, I guess mine always are)! I am really starting wedding planning because we are going to Denver in June to pick the venue. I think I will feel a lot less stressed about the wedding planning after that. Anyway, I want to cover more of that stuff.
I just had a really hard day today. Still want a dog, just trying to find the right one. I found my dream dog today, a Corgi puppy at the shelter! We planned to go get it tomorrow at 1pm when they open. B was going to get up an hour early so we would have time to swim and do the other things we need to do before that. Then I called right before they closed and it was already gone. I am SO bummed out. Feeling a little better about it now, but for hours all I could think about what how lonely I am going to be tomorrow and how much my own puppy would have made me feel excited about life tomorrow instead.
A good thing, one of my good friends (whose boyfriend was deployed with B) just got engaged last week! 🙂 We would spend hours planning our weddings as we talked online every night when they were gone (before we were even engaged), so I am so happy for her! I am also proud because he picked out her ring based on what I told him she would want. And she loved it. She was such a good support to me when they were gone because she had already been through another deployment with him. Now he is getting out of the Army too.
Peace be with you. Stay strong.
“Tomorrow is the most important gift in life. It comes to us each midnight bright and clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands. It hopes we learned something from yesterday.”
Lord, let me have learned something from today. Let me take my lesson and make tomorrow good.