This week and last…the restlessness is back. I am going crazy. I have cried and screamed, both literally, in frustration today.
I want a JOB, I want to use my BRAIN. If I can’t get a job and I am stuck at the apartment, I want to be able to WRITE and use the computer as much as I want again. I want my body to get better. I want the pain to go away. I feel physically AND mentally restless.
I think I was busy with moving, which was stressful but really nice. I had something to DO. Now, we are all settled in, and I am left with this unfulfilled, restless feeling again. I don’t know how to handle it. I just want to turn to negative coping skills. I don’t know what to do.
I have so many ideas in my head, but there are so many barriers. I get so frustrated and I can’t think straight anymore.
I am seeing a new doctor next week. Just an internist to get his opinion and get referrals to a neurologist and rheumatologist here. I pray they can figure out what is wrong with me and that I can find an opportunity to work again and pursue my dreams.