Immobilized

I for some reason have had this skyrocket of anxiety again the last two days. Trouble with worrying and staying in the moment. I can’t concentrate on anything and I get SO overwhelmed by all these ideas running around in my head that I want to do but can’t thanks to both my nerve disorder and the immobilization that comes from my anxiety. I don’t know what’s up and why I had a reprieve for awhile and now the battle is going again. But it is not as intense as before thanks to the good improvements in my life and I am fighting so hard. I just feel like I can’t DO anything right now.

I keep thinking how I wish my brain would just SHUT UP and stay in the moment! But there are a lot of things to battle against in my brain when my arms keep my computer time limited. Don’t worry though, I am talking back to it!

So right now I was thinking about this Buddhist temple B and I visited in Phuket last fall. It is called Wat Chalong and is the biggest Buddhist temple on Phuket island. It was so peaceful to walk along the grounds. It was a holy day there on the day we visited. Well, they called it a feast day, and I don’t remember exactly what it was about, but yeah. There were a lot of people there offering prayers up to the Buddha in one of the temple buildings that housed a famous Thai monk’s remains. I sent out this prayer from my heart that my feet and ankles (nerve pain, etc) would get better. Well, they aren’t totally better, obviously, but on that day, on the temple grounds, I walked around for almost an hour without pain. It was really amazing. I got to sight-see and explore. When I left, I said, “Thank you, Buddha.” I am not a true Buddhist but I love the philosophy of eastern religions and try to incorporate it into my life. Anyway, that’s my story for the day.

Monks at Wat Chalong Temple, Phuket, Thailand

Yes, these are my own pictures. I love taking pictures, but somehow they never do the place justice, you know!?

Have you ever had an experience like that where you could just feel something spiritual?

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10 thoughts on “Immobilized

  1. I’m sorry your anxiety has been resurfacing… you’ll conquer it!
    That experience in Thailand sounds amazing!! I love the buddhist philosophy too, the way they adress how to handle the stuff going on in your head. Meditating has helped me a lot, if only just to sit down, close your eyes and focus on breathing and nothing else. (you could try looking at this: http://www.how-to-meditate.org/)

  2. I feel like that when I’m hiking in the mountains. It’s so peaceful and when you can stop and hear nothing at all and it’s just you and nature, its theraputic. I’m not religious, but it’s kinda like my church. Love it.

    Hope your anxiety gets better. I know how debilating it can be. I wonder if there is a counselor or someone out there you could try?

  3. That is amazing Katie. You are so strong – and you don’t even realize it. I learn so much from you.

    Do you mind if I ask if you’ve ever taken anti-anxiety med’s or anything? I’ve tried various ones in the past but with mixed results. Mostly they upset my stomach even worse and leave me bloated, puffy, constipated (sorry if TMI!). But y’know, the common side-effects I guess. I’ve been feeling so out of control lately though that I wonder if I should try again or not….

    • I have taken many different psych meds off and on since I was 16. Now I take an anti-convulsant mood stabilizer which also really helps my nerve pain/condition, and occasionally Klonopin (clonazepam) which does help my anxiety. I had this fear about taking it for a long time that I am just now getting over. I am trying to see it as just a tool in my toolbox for days when I exhaust all my other normal coping skills. I have taken normal SSRI anti-depressants before and they did help with my anxiety but had other adverse effects. I would consider trying one again though, if I were you. I don’t know what you took before, but there are so many different kinds and I honestly think each one affects each person differently, even in the same class of medications.

      Sorry so much info. My big dream is to go to pharmacy school or PA school so I am obsessed with this stuff. Of course, disclaimer that I am not a real expert even though I think I am. 😉

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