I have to swim every morning. I just have to. I have to swim every day. And it has to be in the morning. I have to create that little routine for myself or I get LOST, and that swim is the cascade for the rest of the routine. I need that right now. Sometimes, when I am really busy with other things (which is rare right now), it won’t bother me not to, but right now it is the most important thing I can do to take care of myself.
Last night, I promised myself, “I make it happen that I can go tomorrow!!!” And get a lot done, and take care of myself. I am going to take a class this summer and one this fall at the closest community college (the two pre-req’s I still need for PA school). The summer one starts June21. I just have to keep that in my head, that I will have SOMETHING to do then! And until then I can have a GOOD ROUTINE and know that B will be here too!
So B took me to the pool this morning at Bally’s (really like their pool there, getting a membership —> it’s warm and OUTSIDE!). He lifted while I swam. We left the house at 5:30am, but that was fine. As long as I get to go in the morning, I am happy. 🙂
I went crazy on Monday pretty much. I can choose not to go to the pool, but when I feel TRAPPED here, that is when it really gets to me. (Remember I can’t drive…well, not more than a mile or so without A LOT of pain…so I don’t do it or I won’t be able to walk all day.)
I just found out that they don’t heat the pool at the apartment complex at all. That means the lady totally lied to me when we chose this place. The agent right now just said that it will start heating up ‘naturally’ soon as the weather gets warmer. I am sure that is true when it gets to be 95-100* here in the summer, but what about now? Freaking out! What am I going to do?
So I think I am going to ask B to take me again tomorrow. For some reason I feel so bad about it. He has to be at work at 8am. I think it will only be for this week though…after that he can just take me on weekends and maybe 1-2 mornings a week and then I will swim in the apartment complex if possible or try (?) to experiment with driving to Bally’s.
It is really important to me to get to go and important for my mental health. I need to somehow stop feeling so guilty about asking for help with that. But how do I know I am not being a burden? At home, in Denver, I can drive to the pool myself because I have a car there and it is only 1 mile from my house. But here I don’t have a car, and the pool is 3 miles away. It would take me 30 minutes to get there by bus, and I am not sure it really is better to take the bus because the vibrations hurt almost just as much.
- Sorry I am posting a lot (WHY I am sorry, I don’t know. Everyone I know says I say sorry too much.) It just helps me so much to write when I am struggling or antsy; to remind myself of things. I also feel with every comment how much all of you people who actually read this believe in me, and that is so special to me and has helped me through many, many things.