The weather is beautiful here today in sunny Denver, 64*.
And life feels beautiful today too! 🙂 ❤ I feel suddenly so much more like an adult, on my way to things. And that feels great.
I actually had a really hard day yesterday with anxiety and irritability – worrying about if I will EVER get a job/get my career started. That is a fear that keeps coming up on bad days.
But I had a good night of sleep (always does wonders!) and I am going to look at our trip this week to California as the first step in setting up my new life. I have this thought running through my head, very often, about, “what am I accomplishing? what am I accomplishing?!” and it really sucks. But I want to be in the present moment this week. I AM going to accomplish something! The first step is finding the right apartment/townhouse for us, so we can set up our home and move there. This IS a necessary step, and I should enjoy it and look at it that way, as a good step and as an accomplishment.
There are STEPS to where I want to be. I have to break it down and do them one by one.
- The first step is finding our home and then moving. Remember that, self!
- I just have to breathe and then do the next step after that. This next step is finding a volunteer job out of the house (I am planning to continue my online work there for the Denver rescue as well), and signing up for my French class.
- I will continue applying for jobs. I really want to find the RIGHT job for me, working with animals. I would LOVE right now to have a transitional job as a receptionist in a vet clinic.
- Then, and meanwhile, I will take the one class I need for a pre-requisite (hopefully this summer, fall at the latest) and apply to PA school.
I started thinking about this today when Caitlin @ Healthy Tipping Point asked readers to tell her their life plan for the next few years. I think about this a lot, but it feels good today to write that down. What I am afraid of is this: I will be okay not getting into PA school at first if I have a job, any job. But what if I don’t have a job OR get in? I don’t know if I can handle that, I don’t know if I can continue being this bored and unfulfilled and not knowing when it will end.
I hope, hope that it will be okay. And I am excited about this FIRST step at least, and I know I can do the second one and accumulate positives and be busier in my life. Just trying to do that ABC skill right now (Accumulate Positives, Build Mastery, Cope Ahead) – to gain confidence and enjoy life more!
I am just SO excited to be engaged, and to get to plan together for the here-and-now, and for the future! ❤