What does this mean to me?
What does it mean to you?
I think California holds so many opportunities for me. That is what I need. OPPORTUNITY. I have built back up this determination and faith in myself. Now I need the opportunity.
What opportunities, you ask?
The opportunity to not live here, to live with someone I want to live with, to be with my love who makes me happy, to live by a bus stop. The bus stop will open up opportunities for me for jobs, for school, for volunteering, for getting out of the house. The opportunity for happiness. The opportunity to feel settled, FINALLY, in ONE place, where I can organize job, school, doctors, activities. To make new friends. A chance to set up all this stuff for MYSELF.
So, I am not going to California until we get engaged. But I am excited to go. I think it will be hard and I am sad about some things here, but I am really, really excited too. I just want the opportunity to set things up. I think there are many more opportunities there and together than here right now, though Denver is the best place in the nation. 😉 But once I get there, I just WANT these jumping off things to lead to real opportunities. Some I know I can MAKE happen (like volunteering and getting out of my house), but some depend on other people (like getting into PA school and getting a job), and I will go crazy if I don’t get those things and that scares me. I panic about it a lot, that THIS will go on forever. But I have to have faith and take these little jumping off opportunities and look at that as something that will lead me there, as more than I have now.
I NEED this fulfillment. I need something to do to save me. I just have to keep setting things up the best I know how. And have lots of faith. And just DO things.