Full of love

Had an amazing time with B. We got to talk about so many things and had a lot of great discussions. I sincerely missed dates (we had some amazing ones) with him during his deployment and this was the first time it felt like we got offical alone time since he got home four weeks ago. ❤

I am so excited about our future together. He was such a great support to me this weekend too.

Right now we are discussing the two places B has job offers/opportunities and the pro’s and con’s to decide where to move. They are Denver and southern California (the Inland Empire area east of LA), where he already HAS an offer that he accepted. There is an opportunity in Denver he will find out about this week. Then we will decide. I like how he has made it a team decision, which it should be, even though I won’t live with him until we are engaged this year.

Right now MY plan is to a) find a “dinky” job, as I call it, for asap….b) apply back to school.

Applying back to school involves two parts. First applying to a program that is short (a year max) that will enable me to become state certified in a medical discipline. And second, applying to PA (Physician’s Assistant Master’s program…half doctors as I call them 😉 ) or Pharmacy school (my long-term career goals). Most likely leaning towards PA at this point.

Finding MY own fulfillment is really important to me. And it is to B too. That was the thing I was worried about for California because I have already done all the research and know what I need to do for schools here in Denver. But then we did research and discovered a large, well-respected university very close to where we would be moving that has a huge medical center and thus a plethora of healthcare programs, including PA and a cytotechnology program that I am very interested in. (My background is clincial laboratory diagnostics.)

So that is a big upcoming decision that will be happening, but it is all exciting because neither option is bad and we will get to be together again!

I am going to stay here for awhile for myself because I don’t want another big change and I am working on some things here, but I am excited. Besides the tough thing with my family this weekend, I am staying committed to using my DBT skills, greatly reducing negative coping behaviors, and having much less panic attacks.

Well, that is what is going on with me. I have a lot to do here, which I need to remember when I get bored or start feeling worthless. I am limited some days on computer time (and thus accomplishing these things) when the nerves in my arms “go out”, but I can do slowly but surely.

Dog work supposed to be busy this week, I hope.

Family thing worrying me so much, I want a chance to do what is right for myself and am so anxious everyone else sees my committment. I just want to tell them and tell them about it, but that makes me feel self-conscious, shame, less confident, anxious. So it’s a hard thing. I just want to stay committed and know everything will be okay and love myself. It’s so hard not to let my fear get to me but I have to stay strong.


2 thoughts on “Full of love

  1. It sounds like some pretty big decisions and awesome changes are in your future! It sounds like you are being pretty level-headed about it all which is not as easy as it sounds hey? Good for you! I’m excited for you!

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