I.want.out.of.here.

I can’t stand living here anymore.

I can’t thrive here, I can barely make it.

I am in just such a bad place after being in such a good place, and it’s so frustrating I feel like screaming.

I feel so afraid. I don’t know how to get out of it by myself. I am not getting along with my mom at all. I am starting to have all this animosity towards her. I don’t want her help anymore just to feel guilty about it later. It’s not worth it. She gets so mad at me and makes me feel like there is no hope. She doesn’t say that, but that is how she treats me. I am so afraid.

I don’t feel like anyone understands. They keep saying, “it’s just a little while longer”. But two weeks is a long time to me to do this and feel this bad. I get scared because it’s really bad. I want out of here but I have no where else to go. I need something so bad to change and a new routine and people around that don’t make it worse. I don’t know what to do.

I have a phone appointment with my therapist today. I was supposed to go to this group at 8:30 but it was only an hour and I would have had to go with my mom at 7am and then wait for the group and then wait until 1230 when she could pick me up at lunch to bring me home. 5 hours for a group. That is more stress than it is supposed to solve. I don’t want to burden anyone, but now that I feel like I don’t have my mom to talk to anymore, if I ever did, I just feel more lost than ever. I don’t know what to do next. I hope I can do better than last week where this lasted for 4 days.

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4 thoughts on “I.want.out.of.here.

  1. Sorry you are having such a rough time with your mom. I don’t even LIVE with my mom (she is in the next state over) and we haven’t been getting along. Our relationship has been pretty rough over the past year and I’m distancing myself from her for a while. It really SUCKS because we used to be so close and would talk every day, but sometimes you just have to do whats best for YOU. I hope you can get some clarity after your phone appt with your therapist. Maybe she can give you some direction on what you should do and how to approach your mom…Take care.

  2. Oh, girl I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Just hang on in there! It IS going to get better. I know that I sound like I don’t understand but this is the only thing I can say. And that you have all my positive thoughts and wishes! I hope that your appointment with your therapist is going to help!

    • I always used to feel like that at college, even though I would get homesick and want to go home. I think it’s just some about losing your independence that is really sub-conscious and affects everything!

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