I am working on…

I am working on…

  • My application for the Master’s program so I can start in May. My goal is to get the essay done by B’s next visit in 3 weeks. And send it in (totally done) by the end of February. I feel that when he is here and we have our home set up, I will finally be ready to begin and thrive in a program like that.
  • Still plan to apply for some jobs but not worrying about if I don’t get one until March.
  • TRUSTING
  • Being patient: B is so good to me and always there for me. I can honestly say this is the only time, ever, that he has asked me to step up and be there for him, and I am finding the balance with that.
  • Letting it be okay to eat a snack at any time of day I feel like it just because I feel like eating, even if I am not starving. It has been years since I have let that be okay. I know my hunger signals are messed up anyway, and when I stop trying to control it – I just eat the one handful of Amy’s gluten-free grahams and move on instead of bingeing and purging. – YAY!

 

I have done a lot of things wrong, but I have done some things right.

I miss B so much. I need to work on thinking some rational thoughts here! Starting with: I have survived here in this house, alone, missing him, for a whole year…what is really that different now? Can’t I do the same things to help myself as I did before? Can’t I just have faith and do those things and know it will all be okay?

I think I was devastated to come home for so many reasons. 😦 I know it will be okay eventually, but I have a really low tolerance for distress right now. Bipolar disorder and change are not friends. Chronic stress from this whole year and I are not friends. I feel like I can’t handle any more being added on. My nerve disease and I are DEFINITELY not friends – I would really like to go elliptical-ize this off!

Good distractions:

  • Well to start with, I really need my Morland Dynasty books that I won’t have til Friday! But I am still reading, and want to start a new book my mom has tomorrow and finish this current murder mystery (I don’t usually read murder mysteries so it’s kind of weird).
  • I watched this movie last night: “An Education”…it was AWESOME! Have you seen it? I liked how it ended. I love movies that wrap up all nice the way they are supposed to, haha. 😉

  • Talking to my friend Kendra online. She has been with her boyfriend through two deployments so she is wise and gives me good advice. She really helped me today.
  • Having better talks with B.
  • Remembering over and over the ONE thing that makes everything so much worse.
  • Helping doggies today. Including this one. Her name is Maci.

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4 thoughts on “I am working on…

  1. I really liked that movie too! I don’t want to write any spoilers, so I’ll just say that the ending was very satisfactory. And books are a great distraction always. My ex used to say that whenever I had problems I used reading as a way to hide from reality. I think he was right. I still don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing… 😛

    PS. I love the new look! 🙂

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