I am working on…
- My application for the Master’s program so I can start in May. My goal is to get the essay done by B’s next visit in 3 weeks. And send it in (totally done) by the end of February. I feel that when he is here and we have our home set up, I will finally be ready to begin and thrive in a program like that.
- Still plan to apply for some jobs but not worrying about if I don’t get one until March.
- Being patient: B is so good to me and always there for me. I can honestly say this is the only time, ever, that he has asked me to step up and be there for him, and I am finding the balance with that.
- Letting it be okay to eat a snack at any time of day I feel like it just because I feel like eating, even if I am not starving. It has been years since I have let that be okay. I know my hunger signals are messed up anyway, and when I stop trying to control it – I just eat the one handful of Amy’s gluten-free grahams and move on instead of bingeing and purging. – YAY!
I have done a lot of things wrong, but I have done some things right.
I miss B so much. I need to work on thinking some rational thoughts here! Starting with: I have survived here in this house, alone, missing him, for a whole year…what is really that different now? Can’t I do the same things to help myself as I did before? Can’t I just have faith and do those things and know it will all be okay?
I think I was devastated to come home for so many reasons. 😦 I know it will be okay eventually, but I have a really low tolerance for distress right now. Bipolar disorder and change are not friends. Chronic stress from this whole year and I are not friends. I feel like I can’t handle any more being added on. My nerve disease and I are DEFINITELY not friends – I would really like to go elliptical-ize this off!
- Well to start with, I really need my Morland Dynasty books that I won’t have til Friday! But I am still reading, and want to start a new book my mom has tomorrow and finish this current murder mystery (I don’t usually read murder mysteries so it’s kind of weird).
- I watched this movie last night: “An Education”…it was AWESOME! Have you seen it? I liked how it ended. I love movies that wrap up all nice the way they are supposed to, haha. 😉
- Talking to my friend Kendra online. She has been with her boyfriend through two deployments so she is wise and gives me good advice. She really helped me today.
- Having better talks with B.
- Remembering over and over the ONE thing that makes everything so much worse.
- Helping doggies today. Including this one. Her name is Maci.