I’m back home.
My heart hurts so much.
It just feels like I can’t take anymore. I just want to be with him. I felt so happy and safe and now I feel worse and more afraid than ever. I just want to be with him. And also, I just can’t take the up and down anymore, being so happy and then having it taken away. I am so afraid.
I just want to go back there. I just wanted to stay. I just wanted this to be over. I don’t care that its not that much longer, it feels like I can’t keep going for even one more day. I’m so angry. And so sad. I can’t stop crying. And just so afraid.
I felt like I was starting to get back to myself there. I felt at peace. Then I came back here and the first morning I woke up here, all the same old feeling were back. All the terror and all the confusion. I feel lost again. My head is spinning. I just keep binging and I can’t even do anything to help myself. I don’t know what to do. I just hurt so much and I’m so angry that it was almost here but it’s gone again.
I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do now. I hurt so much, more than ever. I don’t even know how to take care of myself. I just want the fear to go away. I just want to be able to think straight so I can make good choices and move forward. I don’t know how to get there.