Better person

Hello everyone.

I am doing better. It’s just so nice to be with B. We are doing great and I think he is adjusting well and is happy I am here for him. I feel so safe again.

I got over having to ‘share’ him with everyone. We are getting to spend lots of quality time together and we are going to have an awesome Valentine’s Day. Plus he is so sweet to me. And he keeps asking me to browse engagement rings online with him so he knows what style to get me. That will make a girl happy. 😉

Yesterday though, his mom got even worse. In the car ride to drop his uncle off at the airport in Nashville, she said I was a drain on everyone because I am unemployed.

It really hurt me because that is something I worry about a lot, being unemployed, and also the way it was said was such a misrepresentation of who I am. I just think I am a good person and I never ask anyone for money for anything. I recently just got over worrying about letting people, like B and my parents, help me out with money because they want to and they offered. I don’t need someone making me feel worthless again.

But then last night I decided that she can’t make me feel worthless. I have to tell myself I am not worthless and believe it with my heart and know I am working on going back to school and applying for jobs every day. I am the kind of person who wants to be busy.

And beyond that, everyone is worth something no matter what they do. I take care of B in many other ways, I do a lot of volunteer work (starting two new volunteer jobs next week in addition to my dog rescue! 🙂 ), I cook dinner for my parents every night and clean the house because they work full-time.

I have worth. And so do you! There are so many little things that everyone does that are important that we never think about.

He talked to her, which is always the best way to go, like you all said. Everyone has really high emotions right now with him returning from Afghanistan. I understand that. But that really doesn’t mean you need to take out your emotions on other people.

When he talked to her, she said she is just worried I don’t like her and wants us to have a better relationship. All this is so weird to me because I thought our relationship was perfectly fine! We used to all have a lot of fun together. I think she is upset I never went to stay with her in Seattle this last year when he was gone. It was nice of her to invite me, but I just get really stressed by traveling and I felt it would be even harder for me to be away from home and go there than it would be to stay home.

But I also decided I need to be the better person here and maintain my own integrity. I am going to choose to believe that she just felt insecure in thinking I don’t like her and that we are both worrying about the other person not liking us!

I’m not sure how that equates to saying mean things, and I am going to tell her that it’s not okay to say things like that to me or about me. And make sure she understands that that isn’t even true.

But then I am going to tell her that I genuinely do like her and when I seem stressed or don’t want to do certain things, it’s just because I can’t do them because I need to take care of myself and its NOTHING PERSONAL!

Yeah, going to be an awkward conversation but this is the dumbest thing to stress B out about right now and I am not going to do that to him. Wish me luck. 😉

My aunt kept saying that in Montana:  don’t assume that someone else’s behavior is personal, it often isn’t!

It’s cold here! I don’t remember it being this cold when I lived here. I don’t even remember it snowing, just raining allllll winter long. I am a sunshine person! (Who isn’t?!) That’s why I love Denver. I guess the South is getting a hard winter this year though.

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2 thoughts on “Better person

  1. The quote about “peace” is one of my favorites of all time… I need to post in on my fridge, wall, desk or something like that.

    It sounds like you and the mother-in-law to be are about to have a bit of a breakthrough in your relationship… that’s a great thing! I hope it goes well!

    As for feeling worthless… don’t I know what that’s like. I just kept telling myself that it’s okay to feel bad about not working because at the end of the day, it’s easier to deal with that than to feel stuck in a job that you hate. I’d rather be poor than be miserable!

    • Wow, I never thought about it that way before but you are right! Both ways are stressful. Being unemployed at least gives me time to pursue other passions like volunteering, go swimming whenever I want, figure out what I want to go back to school for, come meet my boyfriend when he returned home at the drop of a hat, etc.

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