Sometimes things turn out okay.
Okay, actually, when I get anxious about social events, most the time they do. The majority of the time they do. Statistics point towards things being okay.
I had fun tonight with family. Granted I had to drink a few beers at the beginning with my sister to relax but hey, that is what beer is for. 😉
Then we got to talking and laughing. My cousin was nice to see. We didn’t use to be close or hardly see each other or get along at all, but we even went out together just us once or twice this year. I ate my whole piece of salmon and enjoyed it without even really thinking about it. Then later I got hungry again and ate a few Rochet balls (I have never had those before, they were good…and I don’t even like chocolate!) and a turkey sandwich. Now I am drinking Sleepy Time tea and talking/sitting here with my mom and grandma.
Still haven’t decided if I am going to go to my uncle’s (other side of the family who I ironically usually get along great with and am excited to see) tomorrow night. I just don’t want to deal with my uncle and his recent conversation with me. He is only 16 years older than me and we are really close but I don’t feel ready to deal with that yet, so I will decide tomorrow.
I miss B. SO much. Every night, I STILL get so lonely. I could never stop missing him. Thankfully, I will have him back soon. I wish he was here with me to show off to my family ( 😉 ) and to just be with and talk to and have him hold me. I just can’t wait to our life together and am just trying to count down each day until I see him. About 16 days now!
I can’t believe this year is almost over and that we won’t have to be apart anymore. This has been the hardest year of my life and so many hard things are going on anyway, but having him away was even so much harder. I just love him so much and I can’t wait to have him home with me. We have fought through so much together and we have stayed so strong.