I got flowers!
Red roses and calla lilies, my two favorites. I want a mix of these at my wedding somehow. And some baby’s breath and Queen Anne’s lace.
I just had to put up pictures because they are so pretty.
I also got a Seiko watch. I have wanted a watch for a long time. Also from my boyfriend.
I can’t believe he gets home so soon. This has been a very, very hard year.
I just can’t wait until he gets here and then for Spring and our life together.
I wish I had more money to buy gifts for others! I haven’t even gotten my boyfriend anything! I love buying gifts for other people. I need to make him a little something before he gets home. I made my mom a tea towel with a golden retriever cut out of different fabrics and sewed on (a crafty project – it looks nicer than it sounds, I promise!), and I am giving my youngest sister these gorgeous espadrilles that I have only worn once and that cost $80 (because I can’t wear them anymore). That leaves my other sister and my dad. I gave my boyfriend’s mom a towel similar to my mom’s but with an elk on it. I can’t wait for the day when I have a job and can buy good gifts for everyone! I have so many ideas! But we always all exchange little somethings because its fun.
Feels like Christmas has begun. My grandparents arrived at my parents’ house to stay yesterday. I am still trying not to be a Scrooge and I’m finding that forced positivity is actually translating into real positivity.
But I still have this nervousness about seeing certain people and about certain situations that really sucks. I guess if something makes me uncomfortable, I will just leave the room. I re-claimed my desk (dining room table) so that already feels better. I ain’t moving my stuff unless its dinnertime!
There is really so much to be excited about though. Just keeping positive.
I keep feeling this guilt lately when I feel joy. Like because of how I am, I am not allowed to feel joy or it is doing something wrong. It is a really sad thing to experience. I should get to feel joy no matter what I look like but I feel guilty regarding my family. Hard to explain. They confuse me so much.
But I do have joy. I am so excited about the Spring and B. coming home and things I am going to set up and that we are going to set up together.
I think JOY is one of my favorite words in the english language.
Do you have any favorite words? I also like “content”, “peace”, and probably some random ones that I just use a lot —> like “comparable”, “intellect”, and “applicable”.