Today is 12/12/10, a good day to start things right. A good day to do the right things. A good day to have a good day and begin anew a strong routine.
That starts with swimming! I have to get my butt over there, but once I get in the water, it’s like all the icky feelings of the last two days wash off of me and I feel like myself again. I feel confident and much more hopeful.
I fought through some stomach issues this morning (as always) and drank some coffee and now feel better and like I made the first step. My aunt calls coffee “cup o’ joy”. Have you ever heard that? I thought it was true…I think it goes beyond just waking you up, it just give you a little burst of pep somehow.
Sometimes it makes me jittery though. I have to be careful of that. Like my hands are shaky right now after one cup, but that will go away after I swim. I only drink a half-caf usually.
***There is so much research (and common-sense) out there about how healthy it is to have a routine in our daily or weekly life. I can specifically attest to how important it is for people with mental illness, whether depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, whatever. It is really important for me. It would not be good for me if I had to work a job with alternating shifts or something like that.
I noticed that I did really well last week until Thursday night. Why? Because I had a routine going. I always strive for some kind of routine and talk about it all the time on here, but this one felt much more busy and not so much ‘work’.
I was doing well until Thursday night because Thursday night was when I ran out of cards to make. I finished my hand-made Christmas cards. All the sudden, I was afraid of the evenings again. Since I can’t relax in a traditional sense, nor do I really want to, making cards served as something that felt both productive (needed for me) AND pleasurable/relaxing. It really took my mind off of things. It was enjoyable. I watched a movie on my computer on netflix online and crafted away for hours.
So my plan, since I ran out of cards, is to try, TRY to keep having a project in the works like that. Since I finished the Christmas cards (I was really making them for my mom to send out – I made 30), I am going to make a few more cards for my friends for Christmas and make some birthday cards ahead. Then my next big project is to start scrapbooking again. I need to get my boyfriend a Christmas gift. I do not have any money to buy him anything. Zippo. Plus he is really hard to buy for! He either buys everything he wants for himself or his mom does. So making him something is special and unique.
He expressed an interest in having a scrapbook of our pictures from Thailand so that is what I am going to start on first, but it is really going to kind of be a gift for both of us because I will add pages to it over time of new things we do and trips we do. It is also a gift to myself to make me happy and less restless. I also want to get the Thailand pictures on there so I can show everyone them at Christmas (my relatives that come over, etc).
I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I can’t just DO something that brings me pleasure. It has to have some component of feeling productive to it. I am trying to work on that, but hence the piece about this being a gift. It is making something for someone else. I need to get him a gift anyway. This is saving me money (I am using all my mom’s supplies haha). It feels productive, contributing to someone else, AND pleasurable.
I also think something that will give me more to do is to express interest to my dog rescue to take on more work. I really enjoy doing mailings because it is something active to do with my hands like the cards. So I will check into that.
SO I want to start on this again today, my mom and I are going to get the supplies to set up the scrapbooking part of my routine.
So my daily routine plan:
- Get up and have coffee and check emails and take care of my stomach. I wake up about 7-8am but it doesn’t matter.
- Go swimming: about 9-10am
- Come home and shower and get ready.
- Eat some breakfast (I am really working on eating more in the day, not all in the evening; I have found that by the time I start get shakes from hypoglycemia, it is almost too late. They will last for 12 hours because it takes my body so long to catch up. This is one of those “little” challenges that is SO big for me.)
- Work – dog rescue work, research schools, study, apply to jobs, clean, cook/prep dinner, etc.
- Eat something in the afternoon
- Go on a mini-walk.
- At 4pm: start my crafts. I can drink a beer and put on a movie and craft and go on more paces/mini-walks when I need a break. I could also take K. at this point if I need to.
- Work on this until 7-ish. Then eat dinner. I am trying to eat dinner earlier so my stomach aches aren’t so bad in the morning. I have a lot of trouble eating with my family. I wish I could because I did last night with my mom and it was really a nice distraction to talk afterward. But I can’t eat dinner with my dad, he just stresses me out. I love my dad very much but he is drinking too much in the evening and it disturbs me and makes me anxious. So I can eat with my mom if he stays up at work or just eat at my table with my scrapbook stuff and computer.
- Take K. again if I need to, I just take 1/4 tab.
- I can keep crafting as long as I want and keeping busy.
- When I get tired, drink my warmed soy milk and go lay in bed. I don’t have to read or sleep right away (although I can do either), I can just rest and lay there and breathe and daydream until my medicine kicks in. I just need to stay safe.
- Repeat! 🙂
I want to talk a lot of medical issues this week after two appointments I have: my nerve disorder/peripheral neuropathy and pain, and fibromyalgia.
I don’t ever want to feel like yesterday again. My first goal is the main goal right now. I have seen the medical and mental necessity of that and I need to keep that promise to my family, boyfriend, and myself.