Little stress

Do minor things stress you out? They sure as hell stress me out!

My mom keeps trying to get me to see them as not that big of a deal but it’s hard for me.

For instance, my maternal grandparents are coming to stay here tonight. As usual, they drop this on my mom the day OF their arrival. Well, we actually spent Thanksgiving with them yesterday but they were supposed to be leaving today (and they had been staying at a friend’s house before) but then decided to stay at our house for the weekend! Whoop-ee…drives my mom nuts.

So I am really stressed out right now. BECAUSE:

  • I don’t really have a home, I don’t have a PLACE that is MINE but I do have a SPACE that I feel is mine for now. It makes me really anxious not to have my own space. I have all this stuff from my old apartment – a queen-size bed, kitchen stuff, coffee table, etc. – that is all piled up in the spare bedroom. The spare bedroom is right next to my bedroom here so I kind of feel like all of that is my “area” and my stuff is “safe”.
  • My grandparents were supposed to come for CHRISTMAS, so my mom and I figured we had a whole month to move my stuff, but now we have to do it TODAY. She kept saying that we could put it in the laundry room, on the pool table, etc. I just got so anxious. I just want my stuff with me. It’s this thing I have had since I was a kid. My mom was always so happy that I never left stuff lying around like my sisters. But that is just because I wanted it all together in my room. My room doesn’t even always have to be clean; it just all has to be in one safe place that is mine.
  • So I am determined we are going to stick ALL of my stuff in my room, which is already cluttered with some other of my old boxes and all of my dog rescue work stuff. The problem with that is that I get some claustrophobia sometimes and I don’t want to feel suffocated in there.
  • So hopefully, we can fit it all in there today, and then if it is too squishy, we can move it BACK into the spare room, and move it BACK again for Christmas.
  • I wouldn’t mind doing that but I can’t lift things because of my nerve disorder so my mom and dad will have to move everything with me directing which means less control for me, which means stress.

Anyway, my goal this weekend and to really work on through the holiday season is to be nicer to my parents and to be conscious of their stress as well, not just of my own. So I am not going to get mad at my mom for this because it’s not her fault. And I am going to try to be pleasant. Last night, I tried to put myself in their shoes and it made me just want to work on being kinder. They both work really hard all the time, are worrying some about money right now, and I know they don’t need to be taking care of their 25-year old daughter anymore to add to all that. My dad is really stressed about some things – he doesn’t sleep and I believe he is developing an alcohol problem – and my mom is consequently worried about him.

On another topic, I started a “Process of Elimination” diary to determine how to minimize my chronic stomach aches as much as possible. I felt okay this morning, 3-4/10 on the nausea/pain/churning feeling scale.

***Do you have a goal for the holiday season?

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