Thanks Mom

I don’t understand why I can’t stop, why I forget things so easily, why I can’t remember my reasons for fighting now. It’s like I go from hopeful to hopeless, strong to weak, found to lost, over and over again.

I HAVE TO ACT HEALTHY AND THEN I WILL START THINKING HEALTHY. JUST DO THE FIRST INSTINCTUAL HEALTHY THING AND STOP THINKING SO MUCH.

— “If we don’t change our habits, slipping back into the old thinking is inevitable. John Maxwell quotes Psychiatrist William Glasser as saying, “If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior. In other words, begin to act the part, as well as you can, of the person you would rather be, the person you most want to become. Gradually the old, fearful person will fade away.” “

http://bestlife.typepad.com/actionsteps/2007/02/change_your_beh.html

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/ — Really great blog with DBT articles.

Do you ever experience this – forcing a change in your habits leading to a more positive and healthy way of thinking that in turn leads to the good habits being reinforced?

Sometimes I get frustrated talking to my mom. I always want to turn to her during my boyfriend’s deployment and act for help because she is the only one I feel can help me here. As an aside, my friend Ally said once that there are some things you can only whine about to your mom and your boyfriend. No one else will care. She gave a few little examples about discomforts in life. I thought that was funny, and true.

But on a more serious note, today I realized that my mom often gives wisdom and understands more than I think she will (unless she has had a bad day at work…in which case she gets a little sick of me).

I think when she doesn’t understand, it is because I talk in code a lot. How would anyone understand that?! I mean, I don’t just flat out say what my problem is, like I am embarrassed to say the actual words or something. Some things she said to me today though:

  • Just stop thinking about food. When you are hungry, your body will tell you. Then you pick one thing to eat, just one. Eat it. Move on. Stop thinking about it until the next time your body tells you to.
  • Stop worrying what other people think all of the time. I have this problem where I always feel like I am doing something wrong. Either my eating disorder tells me I am doing something wrong, or I envision that my therapists (or all the therapists I have ever seen) will tell me I am doing something wrong when I am eating in a way my intuitive mind tells me is fine. I envision them saying, “Are you suuure that isn’t your eating disorder?” (the most annoying sentence in the world). So my mom said just do what my intuition says to do to get out of this hole. Okay. My intuition says not to eat dinner tonight because I am not hungry and eating when I am not hungry will just lead to a binge, which will lead to tomorrow being like today. It also says to only eat gluten-free so I don’t have to deal with my stomachaches and the triggers that causes. It also says to have coffee in the morning and then go swim. And to just sleep a lot today. To not worry about eating until I am hungry again, even if that is 24 hours from now. That is how I will get out of this hole and then eat when I am hungry and then be normal and on a healthy path again. I have seen this 40 million times in my life. It is time I respect myself enough to do it. This is my boyfriend’s advice too.
  • And my advice to myself: Just act like a healthy person, stop thinking about it when it isn’t a physical relevance. Love yourself. Stay calm. You don’t have to sit here all day, but you also don’t have to swim. Just do what you feel like in each moment.
  • YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED!

You are not trapped, you are never trapped, there are always small choices to make!

On track. Head up. Stay up. Act.

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2 thoughts on “Thanks Mom

  1. My mom alternatively drives me nuts and makes me feel like a million bucks. I probably do the same thing to Maya…I don’t think it can be helped.

    I worry about what other people think way too much myself. It is a very hard habit to break! I think I will forever be working on that one.

  2. Oh man…I wish I could listen to my intuition…I eat dinner no matter what…but I don’t want to talk about it.

    God Bless you for your Mom. Be thankful for her amazing support.

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