Okay, letting it out there. My basset hound’s name is Deeter.
He is doing okay, sort of. They did a barium test and ultrasound on his stomach that showed a large mass – they could only determine what this was by exploratory abdominal surgery. So this morning he went in to surgery.
Inside, they found a large mass growing off the wall of his intestine that was very strange but looked somewhat like a tumor or unknown growth. It was removed and will be sent in for biopsy. The large thing they saw on the ultrasound was a HUGE absessed and swollen lymph node. The tumor was pressing on his small intestine and squeezing the upper section of it (the duodenum) so that food was n’t going down very easily. Then this absessed lymph node was leaking pus back into the intestine and stomach that was being expelled as the yellow, mucus-like vomit we were seeing. They could not remove this lymph node as it is connected by a very large blood supply to the small intestine. Removing it would mean removing all of these blood vessels and part of the intestine, which just really wouldn’t work. So they just drained the lymph node and cleaned it out. Now he will have to be on MASSIVE doses of three different antibiotics for about a month to try to get rid of the rest of this infection/ensure it doesn’t come back. I am worried about his part, I don’t want it to come back. This was all so expensive. But Deeter is my baby.
Did you know I originally majored in Biology in college to become a vet? Colorado State University is the second best vet school in the nation. Vet school is more competitive than medical school! But I regret often not having the confidence to pursue that dream anyway. I am so jealous every time I go into a vet’s office.
I am so worried about money. My disability was denied. This vet bill will be about $1800. I will have to borrow from my parents and then set up a payment plan to pay them back. How am I going to do that part even? I have no income. I guess I could do work for my dad and then just refuse payment but that’s just like a circle where they aren’t really making anything back.
I am so worried about my credit and just drowning in bills.
I have been having these shaky/trembling episodes that freak me out and that I now think are panic attacks. I have been using bulimic behaviors to deal with them, but now that I am realizing what they are, I hope to get beyond that. I stopped going to therapy, as I said, but now I don’t think it’s so much about not wanting to go, but more about how I can’t afford it. She charges $100 an hour (and good therapists are hard to find), and it’s literally not worth working on an eating disorder that is excaberated so much by the stress of the money I have to come up with to pay HER!
This is my foster puppy I watched last weekend. We were supposed to watch her again this weekend, but I had to tell them no because of the care I will have to give Deeter. God, she is cute (her name is Jemmy), but she stressed me out SO much!
I was sick last weekend too and got literally no sleep because of her so I got realllly off track with things. I need to get back into shape, mentally and physically. I just rest all day right now, laying here. It’s partly because I have had to take more Klonopin to deal with the trembling, and it is so nice to rest, but it kind of sets you up in to that lazy pattern. However, I have this overwhelming fear that if I start to do things again, I will have to do EVERYTHING (like so much pressure), and never rest again. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Can you think of a mantra to counter that mindset?