The good, the bad, and the ugly…

Okay, so there is no ugly, but I just had to do that for Clint Eastwood. Have you seen “Grand Torino”? I find that people either love or hate that movie, but I loved it.

I decided I wanted to do negatives/things to work on and then positives every day.

This will fulfill my inherent need to whine and/or talk myself through my problems (I am so proud I am not as much of a whiner anymore πŸ™‚ ) AND to look at the bright side/share a little more about the good things in my life. [ Major run-on sentence.]

So…”WORKING THROUGH IT” (I’m not really going to call this “the bad” – maybe it’s just a downer for you guys to read.):

  • I am frustrated that my shoulder hurt while swimming today. Sometimes I just don’t understand how God and everyone expects me to get better mentally when I am so challenged physically. Sometimes it feels like everything I love, or everything that would help me mentally, is getting taken away from me. I get so filled with terror. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t swim.
  • I am just feeling overwhelming worthlessness lately. I have always have an internal sense of worthlessness, and while I can combat that and work on my self-esteem, I think anyone would feel a little worthless with no job and a brain that wants to work hard and learn and nothing to do with it a lot of the time. I guess studying for the PCAT will help with this (?!). I am so determined to apply. It will be so hard to advocate for my disability since it doesn’t have a name and I feel like people judge me so much for it. But I have to.

THE GOOD:

  • My basset in his dinosaur costume for the 4th. He kind of looked tortured but trust me, he loved this thing, he was parading around and showing off. His body was a liiiitttle too fat for the costume though. LOL. I realized the pictures I took of him had me in them, so I will leave you with this picture instead. (Not really ready to show my face on here.)

My "son", as we call him around here

Such a handsome fellow. πŸ˜‰

  • Seeing my uncle last night. He’s a nurse and was so encouraging about me going to pharmacy school. It was so nice to have someone have faith in me. My boyfriend does too. A lot of times, I get this vibe that people are thinking, “There’s no way you can emotionally handle that.” Or, “You can’t do that with your disability.” (Have actually heard that one out loud about nursing and pharmacy.)
  • Yesterday was cold and rainy here – weird! Today it is nice again (that’s the good), 81 degrees…still a little cool for me but at least my mom won’t turn the swamp cooler on!
  • I was so proud of myself last night for just taking my medicine when I got so agitated before bed. I was so distraught yesterday that it was the only way I could cope positively and I did it!
  • I also practiced ABC again by applying for jobs last night when I was feeling worthless and hopeless. Sometimes just throwing a few apps out there makes me feel like I am DOING something.
  • I am going to Thailand in October! Not sure how this is going to fit around the PCAT but I am kind of starting to get excited about it. I am nervous too, I go back and forth. Travelling is/will be really hard for me physically and emotionally, but my boyfriend found a hotel that has a 25m pool that I can actually swim laps in! Would you be excited? I am bummed that I can’t walk around and sight-see like I want to and just stressed about what I will do if I feel sick, like I usually do in humid climates. But I am trying to look at the positives: Seeing my boyfriend after 10 months, being on the beach in a romantic resort, eating Thai food, and getting to go travel to a very foreign country and learn a lot!
  • I am going to make a DBT skills page today, with my interpretations and tips included.

“Excellence is not a singular act but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” – Shaquille O’Neal (aka Shaq Attack)

“Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try.”

Does your enthousiasm crash when people doubt you? Or does it make you more determined to do what they think you cannot do? I think I tend to always do the former but lately am switching over to the latter because I am pretty PISSED OFF about this!

WHAT’S A QUOTE THAT INSPIRES YOU??? I love good quotes. πŸ™‚

Β 

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2 thoughts on “The good, the bad, and the ugly…

  1. I complain a lot. I should start seeing the positive too, like you!

    I had a HUGE enthusiasm crash earlier this summer. It was related to academics and I couldn’t do school work for weeks. I was so upset!

    I have not seen that movie, I want to!

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