Hanging on

Happy 4th of July!

Ugh, yesterday was horrible. The day after a horrible day is always hard. I did go swimming though and that helped calm me down so much. I know that by tomorrow I will be okay. I know I say this all the time. And to be honest I am sick of HAVING to say it all the time. I am determined to make this a good week and be patient. I am still keeping all of my epiphanies so strongly in my mind, and I am tired of my life being like this.

Motivations to stabilize eating and sleep:

  • Even mood
  • Less stomach problems
  • Less depression
  • Healthy Life
  • CONFIDENCE AND HOPE

The one thing I have to remember is that I am going to get hungry eventually. I am human. When that happens, I have to brainstorm ways to calm down and to deal with how my stomach feels afterward. I think swimming in the morning before I over-react is a good thing. And today I am starting giving up gluten for awhile so I hope so much that feeling better with that will make eating easier. Then I can get on a more even schedule. I never want to have to go through sinking to such lows again, after I thought I was almost through that. One of the problems was taking a medication that really threw my brain off, one I hadn’t tried before for my pain. I am so sensitive to everything!

We dressed up my basset hound today in his dragon costume for the 4th, it’s hilarious. He just wears it so calmly. I will put up a picture of him later!

Most of the time I am doing so much better lately with my DBT skills. But I still don’t know what to do when my emotions get SO intense. I guess using TIP skills over and over — go swim if I haven’t already, practice using ice, and do PMR and deep breathing. I just have to keep trying. And once I am feeling better and on a more even sleep and eating schedule, I know that my emotions will level out again, like they did last week. That is why I can’t let my eating and sleep get so messed up, the consequences are really dangerous. I am signing up to make a bipolar management class in August to really work on that stuff.

Okay, not much to say today. Just struggling.

I do love the 4th of July though. Miss my boyfriend as always, his parents usually have a HUGE 4th party and so I miss him extra today. I have a lot of good 4th memories with him. I am praying he is safe, as this is an historically dangerous day over there.

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