Epiphanies

Do you ever have an epiphany? Your thinking suddenly changes or you see a new way of looking at things all the sudden? It’s like it just HITS you. Sometimes afterwards, I don’t even know how to articulate it to other people, or even to myself, I just know it happened and that my thinking changed for the better.

Actually when I try to articulate it, sometimes I get anxious, like I can feel it flying out of my brain. But it’s always kind of IN there, I think it just sinks down into my subconscious or something.

So I am going to try my best to describe some major changes in my thinking that have occurred this week…

  1. Everyone has their own eating style, appetite, and way of eating that feels and works best for them. I know what works best for me. I don’t have to make myself eat like everyone else or eat things that I don’t like because I am self-conscious about being different or what they think about me. I CANNOT GO ON CARING ABOUT THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I cannot go on feeling sick just to please other people. I don’t care anymore if they misunderstand me or my motives. I believe I know in my heart what are the right motives and can make my own choices.
  2. Food can be medicine, not just poison. I just have to eat the right foods. When I eat things that are healthy and make me feel good, I FEEL better mentally and physically. I DESERVE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. I don’t have to be hungry, I just want to choose foods everytime that make me feel good. Mostly that is no dairy; working on eating less gluten; lots of vegetables, fruit, beans/lentils, fish, lean meat, smoothies, salads; and the least-processed foods there are. Eating more cleanly lately has made me feel so much better physically and mentally. It has changed how I think about food – that instead of it being poision, I can look and feel even better eating cleanly. Sometimes eating a blondie makes me feel good too. And that is okay.
  3. If I am really hungry and need to eat something and feel sick after, I don’t have to blame myself. I just have to learn by process of elimination what that is, realize that not every meal is perfect, and realize that the medical condition I have made me feel sick – it’s not something I necessarily did “wrong”.
  4. Lastly, I have to start doing what I want each day for myself. I know about my fibromyalgia, nerve disorder, and mental health. I know how much it affects me and that I am not just lazy. I have to stop worrying about making everyone understand that and just believe it for myself. I am applying to nursing school. I am not going to be afraid. This is the only life I have. And honestly, with all the times I have been suicidal (thankfully not anymore), it makes total sense to just GO for everything when I was ready to give it all up anyways. What’s the worst that can happen?

Plan for today:

  • Swim – I took yesterday off and literally just layed in bed all day so my arms feel recovered.
  • Organize my bills (hopefully once and for all) – it’s back and forth between the insurance companies and the hospital over and over
  • Find a Microbiology class to take & sign up asap. Where I am going to get money for this, I don’t know…
  • Go on my little walks, keep my mind in the moment, clean, and try to look at the big picture.
  • Enjoy spending time with my sisters.

I am so happy to be feeling better and no one is going to take that away from me now. This is MY life, I always forget that. I have to suffer in this life, so I deserve to feel good in it too. I am not going back to that dark place. Sometimes I am going to feel sick, but I am going to remind myself over and over…I have a medical condition and this is NOT my fault. Then I can do the things I know to do to take care of it, and know that it will pass.

Today is July 1st – Let’s make it a good one!

Have you had any shifts in your thinking lately that were for the better? Remember all of this I described is in the context of my life and may not make sense but it does for me.

Do you have a favorite show you are watching right now?

Like I said yesterday, I am watching “Prison Break” and am kind of in love with Wentworth Miller, although he is probably the worst actor ever so I’m not sure why…

AND — I can’t wait for one of my favorite shows EVER to start July 25th…MAD MEN!

My whole family watches, it is such a well-done show. We are planning to make MadMen-inspired cocktails every week and watch it. 😉

Betty is my fave! 🙂

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One thought on “Epiphanies

  1. LOVE your ephipanhies. I agree—eat what makes you feel good, and when you want to. Its the only way to live.

    I JUST had an epiphany yesterday regarding exercise. For so long, I had training plans and if I didnt do the EXACT workout, then I would feel guilty. I read an article from Matthew Mccounahey (cant spell his last name) and something just opened up. He isnt a gym rat. He is just ACTIVE. he DOES things. I loved it.

    My last post is about that if you want ot read it.

    Do you watch Dexter at all? cant wait for that to start.

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