Tomorrow I will be 25 years old. I can honestly say that this last year has consistently been the hardest of my life. I am going to go into tomorrow with a new mindset of patience and challenge a lot of the absolutes I hold in my mind.
I feel so apathetic today, maybe medicine related. At the same time, I also feel nervous, but its strange. Like I feel so numbed out but am being a little agoraphobic at the same time. I have been afraid to leave my room today, I have been lying here, not even sleeping, for the most part. Then I started watching season 1 of “Prison Break”, liking it so far.
Basically the only thing I have done today:
I think I am going to walk my dogs around the elementary school. I wonder if it would help me to document my food on here (?). I might try this week. I want to stop thinking about food so much and worrying about it and just trust my body. Somehow, I feel like just snapping a photo of it on my webcam and then moving on will make me stop obsessing about it. It is there, it is documented, move on.
I just want to relax today, I just want my brain to SHUT UP for at least one day! With the Cymbalta, I don’t feel so physically restless, which is really nice, but my mind still won’t stop worrying. My sister moves home to Denver tomorrow…I have been nervous about it. I love my sister but it will be a change for me. I think that is why I have felt so overwhelmed the last two days.
Anyway tomorrow I am going to start pushing myself to just DO things and not THINK so much.
And tonight I am just going to shut my brain off.
Plan for tomorrow (I am going to have to push myself):
- Church if I get up on time – muscle relaxers for my back are knocking me out!
- Swim 25-30 minutes
- Walk dogs
- Do some computer work
- Turn my brain off after 7pm, just relax, no computer, and just don’t think about anything but living in the moment.