Well, this blog is for me. I decided I really want to check in a couple times a week with how my therapy goals are going. I was so depressing the last few posts. That is me I guess, sometimes, hopefully not for forever.
I am going to get to see my therapist every week now again for awhile. My boyfriend is giving me money for two sessions a week and my parents are giving me money for the other two. It costs $100 a session to see her! I could switch to someone at Kaiser for way less but this therapist is the first one that has helped me in a long time. I saw her in college, she was a Ph.D student at our university counseling center. After my junior year, she left to go do post-graduate work at an eating disorder facility in Maryland. She is really the only therapist I ever clicked with. I randomly found her on an eating disorder referral site a few months ago and found out she had moved back to Denver and I could get in with her. It feels like such a blessing. If anyone is reading, do you think it is worth it to pay more for something that actually works? (Even though I am in debt up to my ears.) Does anyone relate to struggling to find a good therapist. My heart tells me it is important to stay with her, but I feel constantly guilty for having to borrow so much money for it.
So I saw her last night. My goals from the session two weeks ago were (followed by reflection on how I did):
- Take K. every night at 6pm….REFLECTION – I did well at this and it did help.
- No drinking….did well (until last night when I was having a really bad day).
- Explore other ways to feel capable and assertive….applying to my Master’s program helped with this but I have to constantly remind myself to feel worthy…dog rescue also helps
- Just focus on TODAY being b/p free….I did really badly when I didn’t do this (a lot of times) but really well when I did.
- Think about what it would mean to LIVE…didn’t do at all, guess it will be a continuing goal
- Stop analyzing so much (stop thinking and just DO)….utter failure
GOALS THIS WEEK:
- Have a daily affirmation and mindfulness practice each morning. Go outside, breathe the fresh air and say these affirmations:
- I deserve to take my medicine.
- I deserve to have today be a good day.
- I love myself.
- Then THINK! If I want to go swim, go (I deserve to, I don’t have to deny myself the pleasure of this) OR if I don’t feel like swimming, rest (I deserve to rest too if I need to, I can go later in the day ANYTIME if I want to). Have the same mindset about the day either way (no all-or-nothing thinking). STAY IN THE MOMENT!
- Whenever I feel overwhelmed: go on a mini-walk or go do deep breathing in my room, or center with my dog. Do not feel pressured to do everything on a good day or nothing on a bad day, just go with the flow.
Okay that is enough for now. I will check back in regularly on this and before therapy next Monday to see how I did.